What is a ‘living funeral’? Why more terminally ill people are choosing celebrations over funerals

Would you attend your own funeral? In America, ‘Living funerals’ are on the rise. A case came to light when a woman in the United States who was told she had only months to live chose to celebrate her life with loved ones before her death by hosting what she called a “restival” — a farewell gathering filled with music, dancing, meditation and art.

According to a report by The Washington Post, the event reflected a growing trend of “living funerals,” where people facing terminal illnesses gather family and friends to say goodbye while they are still alive.

The woman, 56-year-old Ember Maucere from Boise, organised the three-day event earlier this year after learning that her breast cancer had returned aggressively and spread to her lungs and bones. Doctors reportedly told her she might have six to 12 months to live.

More than 100 people attended the gathering at her home. Guests arrived in colourful outfits and participated in activities including live music performances, silent disco sessions, food events, meditation circles and artistic performances.

Her son, Griffin Mullin, told The Washington Post that the experience was deeply emotional and healing for those present.

“We would just look around and see everyone smiling and crying,” he said. “It was very healing.”

Maucere died on April 29, nearly a month after the gathering. According to her family, she did not want a traditional funeral because she believed the celebration had already served that purpose.

“That was it, that was the whole point,” her son said, adding that she wanted the occasion to feel joyful rather than sombre.

What are ‘living funerals’?

The Post report noted that “living funerals” — also called pre-funerals, living wakes or FUN-erals — are becoming increasingly popular among people diagnosed with terminal illnesses.

Unlike conventional funerals held after death, these events allow people to hear tributes, reconnect with loved ones and share final memories while they are still alive.

Experts quoted in the report said such gatherings can also help families process grief collectively instead of dealing with loss in isolation after a death.

Donna Walker-Muhammed, a death doula based in Alexandria, told the newspaper that she has helped organise several such ceremonies over the past few years.

“It’s a way of honoring a life in real time and not just honoring the memory of a person,” she said.

Death doulas are nonmedical professionals who support people emotionally and spiritually during the end-of-life process. According to experts cited by the publication, the rise in living funerals is linked to the broader “death-positive” movement, which encourages more open conversations about mortality and dying.

Families choosing celebrations over mourning

The report also highlighted similar experiences from other families across the US.

Kelsey Kappauf from Dana Point} recalled organising a farewell celebration for her father, Steve Runge, after he was diagnosed with terminal lung cancer in 2020.

Rather than calling it a living funeral, the family framed the event as a celebration of her parents’ love and marriage. Around 70 friends and relatives attended a vow renewal ceremony held close to her parents’ 35th wedding anniversary.

Kappauf said guests understood the emotional significance of the event as her father shared a final dance with his wife.

“Everyone knew that this was goodbye,” she told The Washington Post.

She later became a death doula herself and said the experience changed how she viewed grief and mortality.

Another example cited in the report involved Tanner Martin, a 29-year-old man from Draper, who was diagnosed with Stage 4 colon cancer. He and his wife reportedly organised a “Hollywood premiere”-themed living funeral at a local theatre in 2024, where friends and family watched a film documenting his life.

His wife, Shay Martin, said the gathering allowed him to witness how deeply he was loved and supported.

Laura Lyster-Mensh, a death doula associated with Congressional Cemetery, said modern memorial rituals increasingly reflect the personality and preferences of individuals.

Still, she noted that some families struggle with the idea because openly acknowledging death can feel emotionally overwhelming.

For Maucere’s family, however, the gathering became a lasting memory filled more with gratitude than sadness.

Her son recalled guests sharing stories and heartfelt tributes during the final day of the “restival,” while his mother watched proudly.

“She was beaming,” he said, according to The Washington Post, “with appreciation for life.”